Loved this post! The framing of these categories is genius and they make it easy to see how hobbies can fit into a busy life. I will be 70 this fall and my body hobbies are downhill skiing, biking, hiking and active travel. I have been blessed with good health, but I also believe in the "use it or lose it" principle. My brain hobby is reading. Because I am retired I can sit down about 5:00 each night, with a glass of wine, and just read for an hour before dinner. My creativity is hosting. I love it all, from the planning to the execution. Few things please me more than filling my home with people enjoying good food and each other. I realize that retirement offers more opportunities to pursue hobbies, so I am really glad that you are writing this as a busy working mom. Hopefully, many young women will see the value in this and add hobbies to their life.
Taking a watercolor class feels particularly lovely. It is unlikely you wouldn't learn something new and that you wouldn't meet someone lovely. Let us know! I do think of hobbies as moving up along Maslow's Hierarchy - the lowest levels look more like dabbling but as you move up you begin to create belonging and finally self-actualization.
Thanks for this excellent piece! I'm also an academic (psychology professor) and actually wrote about the science of how hobbies increase happiness on my own substack (which included a shout out to your substack)! Here's the piece if you'd like to read it: https://sandersonspeaking.substack.com/p/do-you-play-cards-garden-knit-or
Catherine - great to meet you! I'm an amateur researcher of hobbies but I know they have changed everything about my life for the better so I'm an advocate. It always gives me great confidence when someone of your professional background gives hobbies a head nod as well. Love your piece!
Love your views on hobbies. I had bought a water color set a few months ago and hadn’t touched it (I’m not artistic in the slightest - I just wanted something creative to do where I didn’t care if I was “good” at it or not). I came across your “hobbies series” a few weeks ago, and, after doing some light googling, I found out my local art center was doing a four-week intro class starting the following week! I promptly signed up and have now down two of the classes. I even ran into an old friend there who also signed up on a whim (he’s an architect though, so he’s much more advanced 😂).
I’m now considering signing up for local swim league in the fall that practices 3 mornings per week. I love swimming (unlike watercolor, I actually did enjoy swimming as a kid), and the thought of signing up makes me heart skip a beat and the tension leave my shoulders all at once. It does coincide with me returning to work after maternity leave, so I am a bit nervous about that. But it is fairly cheap, so I’m just telling myself I just have to try it for one week, and if I am totally miserable, I can quit!
Kelly - I don't know why I'm such a sap but my eyes are watery because I just think it's incredible the brave things people can do with a gentle nudge. I mean how cool are you to be doing art and swim as a new mother when society has all but told you your life must now be selfless and boring. Please swim!
Well now I’m a bit weepy! Thank you for giving me the courage do it — the courage to get out of my comfort zone, eschew society’s pressures on women as they enter motherhood, and—quite frankly—to just do something for the pure fun of it!
I have always made time to "do my own thing", just to keep my sanity in motherhood-especially, but I truly appreciate showing my kids my "awesome adulting" (a phrase coined by Julie Bogart of BraveWriter). Currently, I love sewing in the winter, gardening in all seasons but winter, turning my HOA controlled acre and a half into a pollinator's paradise (different than the aforementioned gardening...as its heavy labor), and running. And I completely agree that thinking about what I was doing as an 8 or 10 yo presumes a lot...sure, fort building with my brothers in my backyard woods might be fun and perhaps it could translate into something more "adultish" but I, like all of us as kids, didn't know what I didn't know.
Next up to explore this fall: returning to Zumba (for social interaction and movement and FUN)
Heather - you sound like an AWESOME role model for your kids. I imagine your kids won't think of parenting as a huge slog and isn't that something. We often talk about our declining birth rates and point to factors like "childcare". And that's part of it! But I'd love to see some research in 10-15 years about the impact of making parenting look all consuming and like a terrible amount of work to this new generation. If we made it look more fun, I think more young people would want to be parents.
I’d be curious to hear how you might view volunteering on the spectrum of life activities. It’s not necessarily a hobby, but it does take time…perhaps spending time for a cause that is meaningful can also help a person avoid burnout.
Of course! I think it can help. I do want to give this some more thought though because volunteering has an element of "duty" to it. Let me marinate on this one. I do know that in Denmark (which has inspired much of my research and exploration into hobbies) they have one of the highest rates of volunteerism in the world!
Im heading back to Denmark in a few weeks and would love to do a series on my specific observations of Danish society covering some of the unique themes of volunteering, work/life balance, parenting, etc.
Loved this post! The framing of these categories is genius and they make it easy to see how hobbies can fit into a busy life. I will be 70 this fall and my body hobbies are downhill skiing, biking, hiking and active travel. I have been blessed with good health, but I also believe in the "use it or lose it" principle. My brain hobby is reading. Because I am retired I can sit down about 5:00 each night, with a glass of wine, and just read for an hour before dinner. My creativity is hosting. I love it all, from the planning to the execution. Few things please me more than filling my home with people enjoying good food and each other. I realize that retirement offers more opportunities to pursue hobbies, so I am really glad that you are writing this as a busy working mom. Hopefully, many young women will see the value in this and add hobbies to their life.
Janice - I can't think of anyone I'd rather meet at a party than you. I'd love to hear about everything you're reading and downhill skiing. You're a Whole Human.
I often think about the different audiences hobbies most help:
- moms who need to be off duty (so badly!)
- People as they move to retirement or become empty nesters
- The final group is men. I think men are more challenged with finding community than women and hobbies are the best (and most fun) way to do it.
Thank you. That's very sweet. I really enjoy your writing, so I'm sure we would have a good chat.
For pleasure reading I enjoy "sweeping family dramas" if they are well written, anything set in WWII times (The Nightingale, Schindler's List), and mysteries if they aren't too dark. Also must be well written with lots of good plot twists. I also love to read about health and fitness. I recently read Good Energy and Super Agers, and recommend both.
Downhill skiing is the closest thing to flying! I love the feeling of my skis just starting to slide down a slope. My advice about skiing is to take lessons, and then to do it again anytime you want to get a little bit better, or you just need a tune up. The more skill you have, the less likely you are to injure yourself. I take a private lesson every couple of years with an instructor who is close to 80! Also, ski trips are really fun. My husband and I skied in Japan last year and it was an amazing experience.
I agree with you about men being challenged at finding community. That didn't really click into place for my husband until he retired about 10 years ago and the had time to devote to it. Now he has several friend groups who he gets together with regularly for golf, volunteering and Bible study.
I'm really looking forward to reading about your trip to Denmark. That's a country I've never visited, but it's rising to the top of my list!
This is such a balanced way of thinking about life!
I have so many hobbies I actually need to prioritize some of them, lol. I tend toward weightlifting for my body (heavy deadlifts — yum!), everything else is a combination of brain and creativity, primarily fiber arts of all kinds and kitchen diy like sourdough, baking, making jam and pickles, etc. Also gardening! And I just got a tennis racquet of my own and a pickleball set so there’s my cardio. And for the record I am a mom of 3 with a full time job, so you can see why I need to pick and choose which hobbies for which seasons.
I also thought of you when I snapped up a Tuckernuck Callahan shirtdress on Poshmark yesterday, lol. First day of school outfit done ✔️
I'm sure I'm not alone in giving you a slow clap because... wow! You are so cool. Your children are going to grow up seeing how full life can be. They won't spend their lives thinking "you gave up something" for them. That feels right to me. And, I don't mean the working part. I see women without jobs not taking on any hobbies and their children start to assume you must give up life to have a family. I commend you for being a beautiful role model to your kids.
Thank you! Over the years I have learned that I have seasons where I can lean into one hobby or another. Some years I have the bandwidth to get a flat of strawberries and make a dozen jars of jam, but not every year. I wish I could do it all! I think I’ll have a very retirement ;)
I have recently taken up adult ballet classes! My other hobbies, reading and cooking are a bit more solitary so I’m enjoying the community aspect I’m getting out of my ballet classes!
For a female memoir recommendation, I recently read & enjoyed Connie by Connie Chung 🙂
Thank you for the book recommendation. I will check it out.
My mother-in-law is the youngest 76 year old I know and she does tap lessons. They have adult recital and everything. She also volunteers with the little girl jazz classes. All wholesome lovely stuff - she's been a wonderful role model for me.
You sound very fun and open Elizabeth and I bet you're a great role model too.
This is a fantastic article, but my question to the group is: I’m a mom of 4 kids under 5 (including 6 mo twins) and I would LOVE a hobby/hobbies but - how do we have hobbies when your life is ruled by your kids 24/7? Is it a season of life thing? Like I can pick up hobbies at a later date? I’m on mat leave now and have started to read again for short spurts during their naps. Maybe that is one? Any tips appreciated please ❤️
Kathleen - you already have some beautiful responses below so I'll add a more personal experience. My kids are about a year apart so while it's nowhere near 4 under 5 (WOW!!!), I definitely remember the stage when I felt like my leash was so short. That's really when I fell in love with DIY. Projects like painting or wallpapering are intensive enough to take your mind off life, but they are repetitive in nature so you can start and stop easily and even though you stop a lot, at the end of a project you see such a transformation. That gave me a lot of satisfaction.
I left my paintbrush in a ziplock bag and put the paint roller and tray into a trash bag. Sometimes one small room would take me a month.
that's just one idea - you could replace the home project with anything like embroidery.
I love this idea so much! I love DIY and want to design and create a nursery for the girls in our former home office. I love the idea of keeping the paint brush and roller/tray sealed and then easily getting back to it so it’s not a big riggamarole. Thank you for replying!
I think it comes down to a balance of recognizing that your life is full right now with work and family obligations — but that you remain a separate person with an identity of your own. Try to shift away from the mindset that your “life is ruled by your kids”. It isn’t. You run your own life. Your children need a lot from you right now, to be sure, but they’re not the ones in charge. To the extent that you are able, structure your life so that the burden of responsibility is not all on you. What is your support system like? How involved is your husband? Tbh many women inadvertently shut their husbands out of the work of childcare (not saying you are bc I have no idea!) and then resent that they have no time for themselves. Don’t do that to yourself.
You don’t have a ton of time for hobbies right now, but you are still an individual — not just mom, wife, employee or whatever. Don’t lose sight of that, stay who you are, take a pottery class one night a week or go to gardening workshops every now and then or work on some embroidery or sewing at night while you’re watching TV. Read books that aren’t about parenting. You’ll have more time for yourself in the future, sure, but your still need a life you love now.
Amy - something that has really surprised as I've talked to hundreds of people about hobbies is that many women talk about how they don't have a hobby because they can't be away from home, but then their spouse is literally begging them to get a hobby and get out of the house and have fun.
I always wonder why we don't want the help? Who does being a martyr help?
You’re 100% right and this article and your reply has given me so much to think about all day today. Today I downloaded my first book to my Kindle in ages. It may take me awhile to read, but that’s okay. Reading is one of my favourite calming activities and I’m excited to dive in.
I don't think you have to have a ton of hobbies, and they don't all have to require you to leave your house. I think it's nice when hobbies are social, but hobbies are still hobbies if you do them in 15 minute bursts when you have a chance.
I've found with little ones, it's easier to have hobbies that can withstand being interrupted. I find that certain books don't require much concentration so I read those while my son is playing. I also play familiar songs on the piano while he's playing. I garden while he's playing outside (when he was an infant, I would put him in a pack and play or I'd put a blanket). I have never actually finished a project, but I crochet while watching tv at night or also while my son is playing. I don't do any of these with any real consistency or discipline, but I do something from this list at least once per week. Still counts as a hobby for me!
I read a really beautiful book on parenting (it's not about children it's about the parents) called "all joy and no fun" by Jennifer Senior and she did a great job of describing how one of the hardest parts of parenting is the interruptions; it's hard to get into flow! So I think it's 2 parts: 1 getting out of the house to find flow and 2 accepting that at home you will be interrupted!
I picked up hiking in 2021 with a group named We Fit Moms. We go once a week on the trails in our area, all are with in 15-30 of my location. It helps ground me for the week.
I'm open to trying more in the creativity space myself. My home design stuff tends to be expensive :) Maybe some nice oil paintings could do the trick ;)
Mah-jong seems to be a thing. My town’s community education program offers a mahjong series of classes. You’ve got me thinking I should signup! My mother used to play with her ladies when I was a kid.
Anyway my hobbies make me happy and have gotten me thru tough times.
For my body - right now I’m looking for a local water aerobics class. I love being in the water and for a couple of years I was going 3 times a week. In the meantime I try to go to the gym but it’s not about fun. 😜
For my brain - reading even if it just a few minutes at bedtime.
For my creativity - for the past year I’ve been taking 2 weekly pottery classes. And I love it. And embroidery when I’m watching TV.
Yes!! A community center that will give you classes? What a wonderful thing - do it! Would you be open to sharing where you live that has such a nice community center?
I tried pottery as a hobby (led by a pottery teacher) and couldn't believe how challenging it was. It looks so smooth on videos, but wow does it take mastery.
I live about 35 miles south west of Boston, MA. The Boston area has a lot of opportunities for adult education. Also many town libraries host these types of classes.
Okay, first of all, LOVE this framing: "So when someone says, “I don’t have time for a hobby,” they must mean, “A hobby isn’t a priority.” Replace "hobby" with anything, and it's the truth! We have (some) agency over how we spend our time. Taking ownership of our choices is hard and it sometimes means we need to give ourselves grace - for instance, sometimes I will choose to just scroll rather than read a book because I don't have the brainpower left at the end of the day and that's okay as long as we recognize that we're making a choice and why!
Body: have not made this a priority; want to get back to running.
Taking ownership of our choices is one of the most difficult parts of adulthood. We have a renown professor emeritus at Emory who talks about the locus of control and how each upcoming generation has less of it. When we stop believing WE make the choices, we're in trouble.
I feel so much guilt about the time I spend scrolling, and what I could be doing instead. I love the perspective you provide in this article.
My hobby is cooking. I love to find and try new recipes and techniques. It’s the time in my day where I can create with my hands, and get lost in an activity.
creating things with our hands has to be my favorite part of being human - when I don't do that for too many days and my hands are just typing and scrolling, I can feel my happiness levels dip
Can I ask a question? I'd really love to start playing Maj, I bought the tiles but have no idea where to start learning how to actually play. I've asked around and nobody I know, knows how to play either. Anybody know any good sources/tutorials on how to learn the game? Other then that my current hobbies include and going to a cycling class after work, quilting, & photography. Would really try Maj for the hobby for my brain!
yes totally agree either google or go to instagram and type in mahjong and your town. You could teach yourself to play but that still wouldn't give you a group to play with. likely, when you take your intro classes (you only need 2-4) you'll meet people that are exactly the same level as you since you're starting together. you'll make new friends!
I play with a group of ladies here in Dallas…like a bowling league for Maj 😂 I would Google mahjong and your town to see if any lessons are available. Do y’all have a Jewish Community Center? Ours offers lessons and days for open play.
That's awesome. It's so interesting to me that we bash America and every headline since our demise is imminent but then there are these lovely things like a JCC that offers lessons. Lots of good in the world if you spent time with hobbyists.
Loved this post! The framing of these categories is genius and they make it easy to see how hobbies can fit into a busy life. I will be 70 this fall and my body hobbies are downhill skiing, biking, hiking and active travel. I have been blessed with good health, but I also believe in the "use it or lose it" principle. My brain hobby is reading. Because I am retired I can sit down about 5:00 each night, with a glass of wine, and just read for an hour before dinner. My creativity is hosting. I love it all, from the planning to the execution. Few things please me more than filling my home with people enjoying good food and each other. I realize that retirement offers more opportunities to pursue hobbies, so I am really glad that you are writing this as a busy working mom. Hopefully, many young women will see the value in this and add hobbies to their life.
Love this way of thinking about hobbies! Mine are currently:
- Body: Biking
- Brain: Reading
- Creativity: Watercolor
My goal for this summer is to find ways to make these more social (book club, an art class, etc!).
Taking a watercolor class feels particularly lovely. It is unlikely you wouldn't learn something new and that you wouldn't meet someone lovely. Let us know! I do think of hobbies as moving up along Maslow's Hierarchy - the lowest levels look more like dabbling but as you move up you begin to create belonging and finally self-actualization.
10 000 hours is the number to be a professional
Thanks for this excellent piece! I'm also an academic (psychology professor) and actually wrote about the science of how hobbies increase happiness on my own substack (which included a shout out to your substack)! Here's the piece if you'd like to read it: https://sandersonspeaking.substack.com/p/do-you-play-cards-garden-knit-or
Catherine - great to meet you! I'm an amateur researcher of hobbies but I know they have changed everything about my life for the better so I'm an advocate. It always gives me great confidence when someone of your professional background gives hobbies a head nod as well. Love your piece!
You made a hobby of trying out hobbies!
Love your views on hobbies. I had bought a water color set a few months ago and hadn’t touched it (I’m not artistic in the slightest - I just wanted something creative to do where I didn’t care if I was “good” at it or not). I came across your “hobbies series” a few weeks ago, and, after doing some light googling, I found out my local art center was doing a four-week intro class starting the following week! I promptly signed up and have now down two of the classes. I even ran into an old friend there who also signed up on a whim (he’s an architect though, so he’s much more advanced 😂).
I’m now considering signing up for local swim league in the fall that practices 3 mornings per week. I love swimming (unlike watercolor, I actually did enjoy swimming as a kid), and the thought of signing up makes me heart skip a beat and the tension leave my shoulders all at once. It does coincide with me returning to work after maternity leave, so I am a bit nervous about that. But it is fairly cheap, so I’m just telling myself I just have to try it for one week, and if I am totally miserable, I can quit!
Kelly - I don't know why I'm such a sap but my eyes are watery because I just think it's incredible the brave things people can do with a gentle nudge. I mean how cool are you to be doing art and swim as a new mother when society has all but told you your life must now be selfless and boring. Please swim!
Well now I’m a bit weepy! Thank you for giving me the courage do it — the courage to get out of my comfort zone, eschew society’s pressures on women as they enter motherhood, and—quite frankly—to just do something for the pure fun of it!
I have always made time to "do my own thing", just to keep my sanity in motherhood-especially, but I truly appreciate showing my kids my "awesome adulting" (a phrase coined by Julie Bogart of BraveWriter). Currently, I love sewing in the winter, gardening in all seasons but winter, turning my HOA controlled acre and a half into a pollinator's paradise (different than the aforementioned gardening...as its heavy labor), and running. And I completely agree that thinking about what I was doing as an 8 or 10 yo presumes a lot...sure, fort building with my brothers in my backyard woods might be fun and perhaps it could translate into something more "adultish" but I, like all of us as kids, didn't know what I didn't know.
Next up to explore this fall: returning to Zumba (for social interaction and movement and FUN)
Heather - you sound like an AWESOME role model for your kids. I imagine your kids won't think of parenting as a huge slog and isn't that something. We often talk about our declining birth rates and point to factors like "childcare". And that's part of it! But I'd love to see some research in 10-15 years about the impact of making parenting look all consuming and like a terrible amount of work to this new generation. If we made it look more fun, I think more young people would want to be parents.
I’d be curious to hear how you might view volunteering on the spectrum of life activities. It’s not necessarily a hobby, but it does take time…perhaps spending time for a cause that is meaningful can also help a person avoid burnout.
Of course! I think it can help. I do want to give this some more thought though because volunteering has an element of "duty" to it. Let me marinate on this one. I do know that in Denmark (which has inspired much of my research and exploration into hobbies) they have one of the highest rates of volunteerism in the world!
I’d be very interested if you posted more about Denmark’s high rate of volunteerism!
Im heading back to Denmark in a few weeks and would love to do a series on my specific observations of Danish society covering some of the unique themes of volunteering, work/life balance, parenting, etc.
Loved this post! The framing of these categories is genius and they make it easy to see how hobbies can fit into a busy life. I will be 70 this fall and my body hobbies are downhill skiing, biking, hiking and active travel. I have been blessed with good health, but I also believe in the "use it or lose it" principle. My brain hobby is reading. Because I am retired I can sit down about 5:00 each night, with a glass of wine, and just read for an hour before dinner. My creativity is hosting. I love it all, from the planning to the execution. Few things please me more than filling my home with people enjoying good food and each other. I realize that retirement offers more opportunities to pursue hobbies, so I am really glad that you are writing this as a busy working mom. Hopefully, many young women will see the value in this and add hobbies to their life.
Janice - I can't think of anyone I'd rather meet at a party than you. I'd love to hear about everything you're reading and downhill skiing. You're a Whole Human.
I often think about the different audiences hobbies most help:
- moms who need to be off duty (so badly!)
- People as they move to retirement or become empty nesters
- The final group is men. I think men are more challenged with finding community than women and hobbies are the best (and most fun) way to do it.
Thank you. That's very sweet. I really enjoy your writing, so I'm sure we would have a good chat.
For pleasure reading I enjoy "sweeping family dramas" if they are well written, anything set in WWII times (The Nightingale, Schindler's List), and mysteries if they aren't too dark. Also must be well written with lots of good plot twists. I also love to read about health and fitness. I recently read Good Energy and Super Agers, and recommend both.
Downhill skiing is the closest thing to flying! I love the feeling of my skis just starting to slide down a slope. My advice about skiing is to take lessons, and then to do it again anytime you want to get a little bit better, or you just need a tune up. The more skill you have, the less likely you are to injure yourself. I take a private lesson every couple of years with an instructor who is close to 80! Also, ski trips are really fun. My husband and I skied in Japan last year and it was an amazing experience.
I agree with you about men being challenged at finding community. That didn't really click into place for my husband until he retired about 10 years ago and the had time to devote to it. Now he has several friend groups who he gets together with regularly for golf, volunteering and Bible study.
I'm really looking forward to reading about your trip to Denmark. That's a country I've never visited, but it's rising to the top of my list!
This is such a balanced way of thinking about life!
I have so many hobbies I actually need to prioritize some of them, lol. I tend toward weightlifting for my body (heavy deadlifts — yum!), everything else is a combination of brain and creativity, primarily fiber arts of all kinds and kitchen diy like sourdough, baking, making jam and pickles, etc. Also gardening! And I just got a tennis racquet of my own and a pickleball set so there’s my cardio. And for the record I am a mom of 3 with a full time job, so you can see why I need to pick and choose which hobbies for which seasons.
I also thought of you when I snapped up a Tuckernuck Callahan shirtdress on Poshmark yesterday, lol. First day of school outfit done ✔️
I'm sure I'm not alone in giving you a slow clap because... wow! You are so cool. Your children are going to grow up seeing how full life can be. They won't spend their lives thinking "you gave up something" for them. That feels right to me. And, I don't mean the working part. I see women without jobs not taking on any hobbies and their children start to assume you must give up life to have a family. I commend you for being a beautiful role model to your kids.
Thank you! Over the years I have learned that I have seasons where I can lean into one hobby or another. Some years I have the bandwidth to get a flat of strawberries and make a dozen jars of jam, but not every year. I wish I could do it all! I think I’ll have a very retirement ;)
I have recently taken up adult ballet classes! My other hobbies, reading and cooking are a bit more solitary so I’m enjoying the community aspect I’m getting out of my ballet classes!
For a female memoir recommendation, I recently read & enjoyed Connie by Connie Chung 🙂
Thank you for the book recommendation. I will check it out.
My mother-in-law is the youngest 76 year old I know and she does tap lessons. They have adult recital and everything. She also volunteers with the little girl jazz classes. All wholesome lovely stuff - she's been a wonderful role model for me.
You sound very fun and open Elizabeth and I bet you're a great role model too.
This is a fantastic article, but my question to the group is: I’m a mom of 4 kids under 5 (including 6 mo twins) and I would LOVE a hobby/hobbies but - how do we have hobbies when your life is ruled by your kids 24/7? Is it a season of life thing? Like I can pick up hobbies at a later date? I’m on mat leave now and have started to read again for short spurts during their naps. Maybe that is one? Any tips appreciated please ❤️
Kathleen - you already have some beautiful responses below so I'll add a more personal experience. My kids are about a year apart so while it's nowhere near 4 under 5 (WOW!!!), I definitely remember the stage when I felt like my leash was so short. That's really when I fell in love with DIY. Projects like painting or wallpapering are intensive enough to take your mind off life, but they are repetitive in nature so you can start and stop easily and even though you stop a lot, at the end of a project you see such a transformation. That gave me a lot of satisfaction.
I left my paintbrush in a ziplock bag and put the paint roller and tray into a trash bag. Sometimes one small room would take me a month.
that's just one idea - you could replace the home project with anything like embroidery.
I love this idea so much! I love DIY and want to design and create a nursery for the girls in our former home office. I love the idea of keeping the paint brush and roller/tray sealed and then easily getting back to it so it’s not a big riggamarole. Thank you for replying!
I think it comes down to a balance of recognizing that your life is full right now with work and family obligations — but that you remain a separate person with an identity of your own. Try to shift away from the mindset that your “life is ruled by your kids”. It isn’t. You run your own life. Your children need a lot from you right now, to be sure, but they’re not the ones in charge. To the extent that you are able, structure your life so that the burden of responsibility is not all on you. What is your support system like? How involved is your husband? Tbh many women inadvertently shut their husbands out of the work of childcare (not saying you are bc I have no idea!) and then resent that they have no time for themselves. Don’t do that to yourself.
You don’t have a ton of time for hobbies right now, but you are still an individual — not just mom, wife, employee or whatever. Don’t lose sight of that, stay who you are, take a pottery class one night a week or go to gardening workshops every now and then or work on some embroidery or sewing at night while you’re watching TV. Read books that aren’t about parenting. You’ll have more time for yourself in the future, sure, but your still need a life you love now.
Amy - something that has really surprised as I've talked to hundreds of people about hobbies is that many women talk about how they don't have a hobby because they can't be away from home, but then their spouse is literally begging them to get a hobby and get out of the house and have fun.
I always wonder why we don't want the help? Who does being a martyr help?
You’re 100% right and this article and your reply has given me so much to think about all day today. Today I downloaded my first book to my Kindle in ages. It may take me awhile to read, but that’s okay. Reading is one of my favourite calming activities and I’m excited to dive in.
I don't think you have to have a ton of hobbies, and they don't all have to require you to leave your house. I think it's nice when hobbies are social, but hobbies are still hobbies if you do them in 15 minute bursts when you have a chance.
I've found with little ones, it's easier to have hobbies that can withstand being interrupted. I find that certain books don't require much concentration so I read those while my son is playing. I also play familiar songs on the piano while he's playing. I garden while he's playing outside (when he was an infant, I would put him in a pack and play or I'd put a blanket). I have never actually finished a project, but I crochet while watching tv at night or also while my son is playing. I don't do any of these with any real consistency or discipline, but I do something from this list at least once per week. Still counts as a hobby for me!
I read a really beautiful book on parenting (it's not about children it's about the parents) called "all joy and no fun" by Jennifer Senior and she did a great job of describing how one of the hardest parts of parenting is the interruptions; it's hard to get into flow! So I think it's 2 parts: 1 getting out of the house to find flow and 2 accepting that at home you will be interrupted!
I picked up hiking in 2021 with a group named We Fit Moms. We go once a week on the trails in our area, all are with in 15-30 of my location. It helps ground me for the week.
Thank you for this piece, I never thought of hobbies like this before! Mine are:
- body: strength training/weight lifting
-brain: reading
-creativity: pending…your writing has got me thinking about trying to find something 🤔
Have a wonderful Wednesday! ❤️
I'm open to trying more in the creativity space myself. My home design stuff tends to be expensive :) Maybe some nice oil paintings could do the trick ;)
Great idea! Or I was even thinking about learning calligraphy, I am planning my upcoming wedding and think that it could come in handy 😊
Mah-jong seems to be a thing. My town’s community education program offers a mahjong series of classes. You’ve got me thinking I should signup! My mother used to play with her ladies when I was a kid.
Anyway my hobbies make me happy and have gotten me thru tough times.
For my body - right now I’m looking for a local water aerobics class. I love being in the water and for a couple of years I was going 3 times a week. In the meantime I try to go to the gym but it’s not about fun. 😜
For my brain - reading even if it just a few minutes at bedtime.
For my creativity - for the past year I’ve been taking 2 weekly pottery classes. And I love it. And embroidery when I’m watching TV.
Yes!! A community center that will give you classes? What a wonderful thing - do it! Would you be open to sharing where you live that has such a nice community center?
I tried pottery as a hobby (led by a pottery teacher) and couldn't believe how challenging it was. It looks so smooth on videos, but wow does it take mastery.
I live about 35 miles south west of Boston, MA. The Boston area has a lot of opportunities for adult education. Also many town libraries host these types of classes.
And yes. Pottery has a very steep learning curve. Patience and practice is required because the videos on instagram do make it look easy.
Yes I would know. I made one of them! https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDjxV1PR8W6/?igsh=NXJiZzJkajk4MGl4
Ha! Exactly! You made it definitely look easy. But you reminded me that throwing is also quite physical. So it’s good for the body too.
Okay, first of all, LOVE this framing: "So when someone says, “I don’t have time for a hobby,” they must mean, “A hobby isn’t a priority.” Replace "hobby" with anything, and it's the truth! We have (some) agency over how we spend our time. Taking ownership of our choices is hard and it sometimes means we need to give ourselves grace - for instance, sometimes I will choose to just scroll rather than read a book because I don't have the brainpower left at the end of the day and that's okay as long as we recognize that we're making a choice and why!
Body: have not made this a priority; want to get back to running.
Brain: writing on Substack :)
Creativity: needlepoint!
Taking ownership of our choices is one of the most difficult parts of adulthood. We have a renown professor emeritus at Emory who talks about the locus of control and how each upcoming generation has less of it. When we stop believing WE make the choices, we're in trouble.
I feel so much guilt about the time I spend scrolling, and what I could be doing instead. I love the perspective you provide in this article.
My hobby is cooking. I love to find and try new recipes and techniques. It’s the time in my day where I can create with my hands, and get lost in an activity.
creating things with our hands has to be my favorite part of being human - when I don't do that for too many days and my hands are just typing and scrolling, I can feel my happiness levels dip
Can I ask a question? I'd really love to start playing Maj, I bought the tiles but have no idea where to start learning how to actually play. I've asked around and nobody I know, knows how to play either. Anybody know any good sources/tutorials on how to learn the game? Other then that my current hobbies include and going to a cycling class after work, quilting, & photography. Would really try Maj for the hobby for my brain!
yes totally agree either google or go to instagram and type in mahjong and your town. You could teach yourself to play but that still wouldn't give you a group to play with. likely, when you take your intro classes (you only need 2-4) you'll meet people that are exactly the same level as you since you're starting together. you'll make new friends!
I play with a group of ladies here in Dallas…like a bowling league for Maj 😂 I would Google mahjong and your town to see if any lessons are available. Do y’all have a Jewish Community Center? Ours offers lessons and days for open play.
That's awesome. It's so interesting to me that we bash America and every headline since our demise is imminent but then there are these lovely things like a JCC that offers lessons. Lots of good in the world if you spent time with hobbyists.