I'm not at the parent stage of life yet, but did just send to my partner as an "aid" to the conversations we've had around raising our future family! Thank you for putting so much thought into what you produce!!
Thank you for taking the time to send that. And how thoughtful of you to start these conversations early. Much better to be aligned on values before having kids than realizing you believe different things after.
Thank you so much Anne. Nothing feels better to a writer than having people feel enough to share that feeling with someone else. It is a compliment of the highest regard!
That's what I've come to realize. It's cliché to say actions mean more than words, but also it's true. I can say over and over that reading is a gift...but better to just read :)
You're a wonderful mom. Better than my own. There...I said it.
You show them the importance of life mechanisms and keep them informed. You help them understand the interrelated functions of roles and role reversals that is so empowering to the development of self-worth. That they can contribute to the household rather than be tag-alongs and recipients.
I envy your moments when you describe putting your son to bed and his becoming chatty. He feels safe and he has you all to himself, a selfish delight. It was something I craved when mom put me to bed. But she always saw it as a job more than an opportunity to connect. I had to discover emotional connections on my own in adulthood and then relive my childhood the way I wanted in my 30s and 40s with hobbies.
I realize now that reading and going on solo bike rides as a kid were escapes from the family. They were never encouraged but accepted as an opportunity for less parenting.
I'm so sorry that you weren't able to get everything you needed as a kid. I do think many children are much luckier, including my own, and we are often to hard on ourselves as parents.
This commentary on kids collecting snippets of our habits and hobbies purely from observing us enjoying them is so timely for me. I notice my boys taking a book to bed to read before they fall asleep. I don't ask them to do this, but I do this most days and they've casually picked it up. It's a nice reminder to go about our lives just enjoying what we enjoy and our kids will collect those habits as normal.
Yes!! this going about our lives and exhibiting joy and perseverance and other values we hold in esteem. probably the greatest influence we actually leave.
I love this. I think a lot about wanting my daughter to see that moms have an identity outside of being a mom, too-- I don't want her to grow up and think "mom was so self sacrificing, she never did anything for herself." Especially for daughters I think it's such a powerful example to show you can be a mom and also a whole human outside of motherhood, too!
That's very well articulated Nisha - I don't want my daughter to think becoming a mother means sacrificing everything else. About 30% of GenZ women currently do not want to become mothers...I understand why...we haven't made it look very attractive.
As a boy mom, I sometimes mini spiral about what my son’s perception and expectations of women will be based on how I model my own behaviors. As an overthinker and a high achiever, I’m really good at putting this invisible pressure on myself. Maybe you can relate.
I'm not at the parent stage of life yet, but did just send to my partner as an "aid" to the conversations we've had around raising our future family! Thank you for putting so much thought into what you produce!!
Thank you for taking the time to send that. And how thoughtful of you to start these conversations early. Much better to be aligned on values before having kids than realizing you believe different things after.
I love this post… so many good nuggets. I sent it to 4 people!
Thank you so much Anne. Nothing feels better to a writer than having people feel enough to share that feeling with someone else. It is a compliment of the highest regard!
Great post! Not being interrupted when reading, every mother's dream. We wish. lol Modelling is the best learning tool for children.
That's what I've come to realize. It's cliché to say actions mean more than words, but also it's true. I can say over and over that reading is a gift...but better to just read :)
So relate to moms have adventures!
Bon voyage! I'll be heading to Denmark in about a month for my next great adventure.
Awesome! Have fun. I’m working on an MFA and about to do two week residency in Nebraska, not so glam but so happy to be adventuring!
You're a wonderful mom. Better than my own. There...I said it.
You show them the importance of life mechanisms and keep them informed. You help them understand the interrelated functions of roles and role reversals that is so empowering to the development of self-worth. That they can contribute to the household rather than be tag-alongs and recipients.
I envy your moments when you describe putting your son to bed and his becoming chatty. He feels safe and he has you all to himself, a selfish delight. It was something I craved when mom put me to bed. But she always saw it as a job more than an opportunity to connect. I had to discover emotional connections on my own in adulthood and then relive my childhood the way I wanted in my 30s and 40s with hobbies.
I realize now that reading and going on solo bike rides as a kid were escapes from the family. They were never encouraged but accepted as an opportunity for less parenting.
So...yes, I envy.
I'm so sorry that you weren't able to get everything you needed as a kid. I do think many children are much luckier, including my own, and we are often to hard on ourselves as parents.
Thank you for including me in this!
This commentary on kids collecting snippets of our habits and hobbies purely from observing us enjoying them is so timely for me. I notice my boys taking a book to bed to read before they fall asleep. I don't ask them to do this, but I do this most days and they've casually picked it up. It's a nice reminder to go about our lives just enjoying what we enjoy and our kids will collect those habits as normal.
Yes!! this going about our lives and exhibiting joy and perseverance and other values we hold in esteem. probably the greatest influence we actually leave.
I love this. I think a lot about wanting my daughter to see that moms have an identity outside of being a mom, too-- I don't want her to grow up and think "mom was so self sacrificing, she never did anything for herself." Especially for daughters I think it's such a powerful example to show you can be a mom and also a whole human outside of motherhood, too!
That's very well articulated Nisha - I don't want my daughter to think becoming a mother means sacrificing everything else. About 30% of GenZ women currently do not want to become mothers...I understand why...we haven't made it look very attractive.
As a boy mom, I sometimes mini spiral about what my son’s perception and expectations of women will be based on how I model my own behaviors. As an overthinker and a high achiever, I’m really good at putting this invisible pressure on myself. Maybe you can relate.
Overthinker and high achiever - you're looking into the mirror.