I love your list! I'm with you all the way, except that I like hosting :). Also, I highly recommend Kork Ease sandals -- my current go-to fave is the Yadira.
Thank you Rebekah! It's funny, I was just thinking we have a lake house cottage and I don't mind hosting their in the least bit! But my main house feels so private, like it is my cocoon and I'm a bit possessive about it and none of it is laid out for sharing. Truly I am a curmudgeon.
I also just bought a pair of Abeos from The Walking Company and will be happy to report back. Looking into my shoe purchase history in the past few years is not a very exciting tour, but it is a useful compilation of comfortable shoes for middle aged women with foot problems (not saying this is you, Marina, as you're clearly younger than I am -- ha!)
Love love love from a fellow introvert! I am a completely different person (not in a good way) between Thanksgiving to the new year from all the holiday stress- something I’m working on. I also almost always drive in silence- it’s the best!
I am working on this too (being nicer Nov/Dec), but candidly, I am making no positive progress. My relief is found in knowing the semester starts Jan 16 and I will have 2 weeks to recover.
We’ve booked a couples trip right before Thanksgiving so I’m trying to use that to prepare for the craziness after. I think we’ll also need a couple of days just us at the beginning of January.
The time between the two holidays is over commitment of family event after family event even when I try to set boundaries- it’s hard as both our parents are divorced so it’s just 4x every single thing!
I have divorced parents in the same city - I know exactly what you mean....brilliant on Thanksgiving. Our new idea is to go out of town Jan 1-Jan 5 for recovery.
My husband thinks I'm crazy for driving in silence! I can't stand music playing except on rare occasions (he's the opposite). I have more than enough going on in my mind with 357 tabs open to have music in the mix. :)
I love silence. I know it's like the opposite of meditation to let your mind roam free, but it's one of my favorite things to do. I like to see where it will go on its own, without my conscious guidance.
I drive in the silence of my mind. My wife constantly changes the station when there's talking or ads. But I'm in my zone, observing everything around me. She knows not to talk to me because of my driving focus.
Love this and with you on many (baths? ugh. And I have no desire whatsoever to ever set foot in Disney World). I loooooove hosting, though, even though my house is NOT neat as a pin 😂 I always love hearing about what makes other people tick. Understanding ourselves, and letting ourselves just be as we are, is such an important component of living a balanced life. Imagine if you put pressure on yourself to enjoy hosting just because you think you “should”!
(And your posts have encouraged me to get out on a tennis court and start learning — in my 40s! I had an absolute blast last night and I was just trying to hit back and forth with my former league-playing husband!)
Amy - I am smiling EAR TO EAR. I feel seen in the best way and like I'm using all these words to do something truly positive - we are all putting down our phones, moving our bodies, using our brains. I love this community. Thank you for being so lovely.
Mary - literally, I feel so relieved and seen that there is one other person in this world that can relate. Thank you for being able to say that out loud. It's my first time being this brave.
I went there in 1977 when 10 yo. I revisited it again in 2007, hoping to recapture something. Walking on concrete all day for 2 days, just my wife and I. Didn't recapture anything other than to know never again.
You had my attention as soon as I read your feelings about Disney. I have been once and boy, what a nightmare. Besides the crowds, the subpar food and the expense, I could have cried when I spent all that money and all my kinds wanted to do was go back to the hotel to play in the pool. Cry with joy mind you, because me too kids. Me too.
Hi Jen! I down a mini-rabbit hole and remembered I absolutely loved something you wrote a while back “is everyone rich except me”. It’s so on the nose and a terrific cultural observation.
In my opinion, persnickety people make the best friends! We all have our different lines in the sand, and the better we know ourselves, the better we can show up for each other. Love your list!
HI!! Us too. We are on a national parks journey. My kids look at the guide book a few times a week and we make dream plans. It's so sweet. We also have done the national parks puzzle and it helped them get to know the geography. Highly recommend if your kiddos haven't done that.
Obviously it is totally cool if you skip Disney, but I wanted you to know that Disney travel agents are free. Most are extremely knowledgeable with no pressure to upsell.
God Hosting! I watch those HGTV shows where all the home owners say “oh we love to entertain” and all I can think of is the stress of having people in my house.
That made me laugh out loud in a very real way, not in a lol way. this household does not love to entertain! I also love to decompress before bed so I'm always wondering when people will leave. I feel grateful my friends except me as I am because I do sound like a pain!
What I love about this is that you aren't judging those who do indulge in their ways of spending their discretionary income and time in these ways. Thank you for positioning it so.
And you can pry my Disney and Universal VIP passes out of my cold, dead hands because that's the only way I go now ;)
Loved this post! It’s inspired me to make my own. Totally with you on the driving in silence - I’ve been doing it since I was 16! I guess as a way to decompress after long days at school? Still love it and my music-obsessed husband thinks I’m crazy haha. But scientifically - it is soooo good for your brain to have that white space to just think!
As I was thinking about this, I totally get now why it feels cringey to share 🫣 no shade to anyone who likes these things!
1. Reading in bed: I read something a long time ago that said one of the greatest sleep habits you can develop is to keep your bed for sleep-only, so I take that rule literally and it’s kept my sleep hygiene really solid for years now.
2. Audiobooks: I’m trying to have LESS noise in my head, not more. Enough said 🤣
3. Online shopping: just as a time savings measure, I’d much rather have someone whose style I like, tell me what to wear. Hence, me being a paid subscriber to your substack ha!
I’m with you on no Disney. In my unpopular opinion it is an incredibly overpriced amusement park. My parents took me when I was a kid, and I was sent that impressed.
I never took my kids to Disney (they're now 17 and 19) and they have never once mentioned it. I feel like Disney actually propagates most things that I hate -- cheap plastic toys, limiting representations of gender, rampant consumerism, reductive and even racist tropes....I could go on.
We may not deal in external absolutes but sometimes our own preferences are internal absolutes, the ones that we enjoy.
Curmudgeon? No way. A sensible driven introvert, who has seen through the "Old Lie". You're Neo taking the red pill. Neo was an introvert too and he saved the last of humankind from the machines. If everyone did what you do, we'd save the planet at the expense of economic growth.
I used to be an extreme introvert bordering on schizoid. Now, I can spend hours engrossed alone in the woodshop but look forward to seeing my wife during the day for coffee and snuggling, meals with friends and extended family.
So, yes, I get you. And, no, you deserve your recharge time in the best selfish way possible.
Thank you for making me feel so good. I'm going to try to stay on planet Earth and not let my ego expand too much at the "red pill" compliment. David - I often feel like I'm on an extended scene of "the emperor has no clothes on" and we are all pretending
“We are all pretending”. In “History of The American People” by Howard Zinn, a ship returns to a European settlement in America. The Captain is enraged to see the starving settlers playing games. I read this book decades ago. Remembering this passage in the light of your narrative adds a degree of understanding that I never thought to consider: that hobbies are a way to maintain mental agility under austere circumstances.
In a way we're all pretending. Since no one has ever come up with a universal meaning of life, everyone is making their own life, pretending. I look back at my younger self and see how stupid I was, how I thought I knew more right things.
Maybe, in another century, people will look back and say the world had no clothes. But, as long as you continue to show a different more meaningful relevant balanced life path, your clothes will always be Workhorse clothes fit for an emperor.
I hate all beauty related things! How can it be fun or pampering to sit in a chair with chemicals on your head, getting your hair colored? So boring. I like: reading, constantly, all the time; playing with my bunnies; talking to friends; framing and hanging various art projects (vintage postcards, random posters etc); earrings. I feel I must explain the earrings 😂. Rings give me headaches, they actually do I promise, they press down on my finger. I wear one single necklace and never change it out. But earrings! Omg I love them. I have the high: gold and diamonds and pearls my mum bought me; and the low, which are way more fun: tribal, flea market, thrift store, made of silver, beads, coconut shell, resin, brass, ceramic and fabric. They just make me so happy.
bunnies!! I know what you mean about rings; this doesn't happen to me, but i can't wear a headband because of the temple pressure. My head will throb. It's so good to know thyself. No rings for you, no headbands for me. Done!
Oooh this list is so thought provoking. I’m definitely with you on the manicure, the gym, and many of the other ones. I’d be friends with you!! I like people who aren’t afraid to voice their hot takes (many of which I agree with) — I don’t think you’re a persnickety monster 😂
I love your list! I'm with you all the way, except that I like hosting :). Also, I highly recommend Kork Ease sandals -- my current go-to fave is the Yadira.
Thank you Rebekah! It's funny, I was just thinking we have a lake house cottage and I don't mind hosting their in the least bit! But my main house feels so private, like it is my cocoon and I'm a bit possessive about it and none of it is laid out for sharing. Truly I am a curmudgeon.
Same! Love love hosting and baths, actually lol
Second kork ease — my favorite shoes of all time are kork ease. I’ve had them for almost a decade and they look barely worn.
Thank you. This is the workhorse item missing in my life, will look into asap. Need for Copenhagen and beyond.
I also just bought a pair of Abeos from The Walking Company and will be happy to report back. Looking into my shoe purchase history in the past few years is not a very exciting tour, but it is a useful compilation of comfortable shoes for middle aged women with foot problems (not saying this is you, Marina, as you're clearly younger than I am -- ha!)
10 for 10 with me too!!
Love love love from a fellow introvert! I am a completely different person (not in a good way) between Thanksgiving to the new year from all the holiday stress- something I’m working on. I also almost always drive in silence- it’s the best!
I am working on this too (being nicer Nov/Dec), but candidly, I am making no positive progress. My relief is found in knowing the semester starts Jan 16 and I will have 2 weeks to recover.
We’ve booked a couples trip right before Thanksgiving so I’m trying to use that to prepare for the craziness after. I think we’ll also need a couple of days just us at the beginning of January.
The time between the two holidays is over commitment of family event after family event even when I try to set boundaries- it’s hard as both our parents are divorced so it’s just 4x every single thing!
I have divorced parents in the same city - I know exactly what you mean....brilliant on Thanksgiving. Our new idea is to go out of town Jan 1-Jan 5 for recovery.
Love this idea!!!!!!!
My husband thinks I'm crazy for driving in silence! I can't stand music playing except on rare occasions (he's the opposite). I have more than enough going on in my mind with 357 tabs open to have music in the mix. :)
I love silence. I know it's like the opposite of meditation to let your mind roam free, but it's one of my favorite things to do. I like to see where it will go on its own, without my conscious guidance.
I drive in the silence of my mind. My wife constantly changes the station when there's talking or ads. But I'm in my zone, observing everything around me. She knows not to talk to me because of my driving focus.
Love this and with you on many (baths? ugh. And I have no desire whatsoever to ever set foot in Disney World). I loooooove hosting, though, even though my house is NOT neat as a pin 😂 I always love hearing about what makes other people tick. Understanding ourselves, and letting ourselves just be as we are, is such an important component of living a balanced life. Imagine if you put pressure on yourself to enjoy hosting just because you think you “should”!
(And your posts have encouraged me to get out on a tennis court and start learning — in my 40s! I had an absolute blast last night and I was just trying to hit back and forth with my former league-playing husband!)
Amy - I am smiling EAR TO EAR. I feel seen in the best way and like I'm using all these words to do something truly positive - we are all putting down our phones, moving our bodies, using our brains. I love this community. Thank you for being so lovely.
I have no plans to make Disney happen for my family either! I may not relate to something more as a mother than I do to your sentiments!
Mary - literally, I feel so relieved and seen that there is one other person in this world that can relate. Thank you for being able to say that out loud. It's my first time being this brave.
I went there in 1977 when 10 yo. I revisited it again in 2007, hoping to recapture something. Walking on concrete all day for 2 days, just my wife and I. Didn't recapture anything other than to know never again.
You had my attention as soon as I read your feelings about Disney. I have been once and boy, what a nightmare. Besides the crowds, the subpar food and the expense, I could have cried when I spent all that money and all my kinds wanted to do was go back to the hotel to play in the pool. Cry with joy mind you, because me too kids. Me too.
Hi Jen! I down a mini-rabbit hole and remembered I absolutely loved something you wrote a while back “is everyone rich except me”. It’s so on the nose and a terrific cultural observation.
You are a great writer.
Thank you for the kind words, Marina!
In my opinion, persnickety people make the best friends! We all have our different lines in the sand, and the better we know ourselves, the better we can show up for each other. Love your list!
Thank you!! I have to admit, I also love a persnickety friend - someone that isn't wishy-washy and knows how they want it.
This is such a relatable list! Disney is a no for our family also. We are taking our kids to national parks instead.
HI!! Us too. We are on a national parks journey. My kids look at the guide book a few times a week and we make dream plans. It's so sweet. We also have done the national parks puzzle and it helped them get to know the geography. Highly recommend if your kiddos haven't done that.
Obviously it is totally cool if you skip Disney, but I wanted you to know that Disney travel agents are free. Most are extremely knowledgeable with no pressure to upsell.
Thank you, I know you share this in kindness.
Yes, absolutely. 🩵
God Hosting! I watch those HGTV shows where all the home owners say “oh we love to entertain” and all I can think of is the stress of having people in my house.
That made me laugh out loud in a very real way, not in a lol way. this household does not love to entertain! I also love to decompress before bed so I'm always wondering when people will leave. I feel grateful my friends except me as I am because I do sound like a pain!
Ha! Yeah. Too much pressure.
What I love about this is that you aren't judging those who do indulge in their ways of spending their discretionary income and time in these ways. Thank you for positioning it so.
And you can pry my Disney and Universal VIP passes out of my cold, dead hands because that's the only way I go now ;)
Thanks for this, I am really never judging as much as giving people an alternative position.
Loved this post! It’s inspired me to make my own. Totally with you on the driving in silence - I’ve been doing it since I was 16! I guess as a way to decompress after long days at school? Still love it and my music-obsessed husband thinks I’m crazy haha. But scientifically - it is soooo good for your brain to have that white space to just think!
oooh!! What's on your list that everyone loves and you do not?
As I was thinking about this, I totally get now why it feels cringey to share 🫣 no shade to anyone who likes these things!
1. Reading in bed: I read something a long time ago that said one of the greatest sleep habits you can develop is to keep your bed for sleep-only, so I take that rule literally and it’s kept my sleep hygiene really solid for years now.
2. Audiobooks: I’m trying to have LESS noise in my head, not more. Enough said 🤣
3. Online shopping: just as a time savings measure, I’d much rather have someone whose style I like, tell me what to wear. Hence, me being a paid subscriber to your substack ha!
I’m with you on no Disney. In my unpopular opinion it is an incredibly overpriced amusement park. My parents took me when I was a kid, and I was sent that impressed.
It's me and you Julie. And Mary. We will stay home while everyone else goes.
I never took my kids to Disney (they're now 17 and 19) and they have never once mentioned it. I feel like Disney actually propagates most things that I hate -- cheap plastic toys, limiting representations of gender, rampant consumerism, reductive and even racist tropes....I could go on.
My only enduring memory of Disney is the international village dining where there was a counter filled with slices of Black Forest gateaux.
We may not deal in external absolutes but sometimes our own preferences are internal absolutes, the ones that we enjoy.
Curmudgeon? No way. A sensible driven introvert, who has seen through the "Old Lie". You're Neo taking the red pill. Neo was an introvert too and he saved the last of humankind from the machines. If everyone did what you do, we'd save the planet at the expense of economic growth.
I used to be an extreme introvert bordering on schizoid. Now, I can spend hours engrossed alone in the woodshop but look forward to seeing my wife during the day for coffee and snuggling, meals with friends and extended family.
So, yes, I get you. And, no, you deserve your recharge time in the best selfish way possible.
Thank you for making me feel so good. I'm going to try to stay on planet Earth and not let my ego expand too much at the "red pill" compliment. David - I often feel like I'm on an extended scene of "the emperor has no clothes on" and we are all pretending
“We are all pretending”. In “History of The American People” by Howard Zinn, a ship returns to a European settlement in America. The Captain is enraged to see the starving settlers playing games. I read this book decades ago. Remembering this passage in the light of your narrative adds a degree of understanding that I never thought to consider: that hobbies are a way to maintain mental agility under austere circumstances.
In a way we're all pretending. Since no one has ever come up with a universal meaning of life, everyone is making their own life, pretending. I look back at my younger self and see how stupid I was, how I thought I knew more right things.
Maybe, in another century, people will look back and say the world had no clothes. But, as long as you continue to show a different more meaningful relevant balanced life path, your clothes will always be Workhorse clothes fit for an emperor.
I hate all beauty related things! How can it be fun or pampering to sit in a chair with chemicals on your head, getting your hair colored? So boring. I like: reading, constantly, all the time; playing with my bunnies; talking to friends; framing and hanging various art projects (vintage postcards, random posters etc); earrings. I feel I must explain the earrings 😂. Rings give me headaches, they actually do I promise, they press down on my finger. I wear one single necklace and never change it out. But earrings! Omg I love them. I have the high: gold and diamonds and pearls my mum bought me; and the low, which are way more fun: tribal, flea market, thrift store, made of silver, beads, coconut shell, resin, brass, ceramic and fabric. They just make me so happy.
bunnies!! I know what you mean about rings; this doesn't happen to me, but i can't wear a headband because of the temple pressure. My head will throb. It's so good to know thyself. No rings for you, no headbands for me. Done!
Oooh this list is so thought provoking. I’m definitely with you on the manicure, the gym, and many of the other ones. I’d be friends with you!! I like people who aren’t afraid to voice their hot takes (many of which I agree with) — I don’t think you’re a persnickety monster 😂
Thank you! I wrote this to provoke our cultural norms in a lighthearted way. I love that this made a few people pause and ask “wait, do I like that??”