10 popular joys I don’t subscribe to

I might be a curmudgeon.

One thing my year-long hobby experiment taught me was that one person’s hobby/self-care/joy is another person’s work. This learning helped me discern between what I enjoy versus what popular opinion says I should enjoy. I feel a little naked admitting just how awkward and introverted I am, so please remember that despite all of these curmudgeon tendencies I’m a happy, joyful person that loves to move my body and laugh and try new things.

An attempt to display some redeeming qualities before sharing all the quirks of my brain and personality.

Ok, here it goes:

10 popular joys I don’t subscribe to

1. Date Night Dinner. The idea of booking a reservation, then paying $200-$300 for dinner (then $100 for a babysitter) and generally eating past the time I want to eat (6pm), which means I’ll be digesting late, which means I won’t sleep well… I don’t like that idea. Don’t get me started on dinner night out with more than 6 people. It’s too much for my nervous system.
   

2. Tracking Health Habits. We’re told to track our steps (10,000 or bust), count our macros, and calculate our sleep efficiency (also go ahead and bio-hack your diet). But 10,000 steps is based on a 1965 marketing campaign for a Japanese pedometer and the amount of water you need depends on your body; 8 glasses of water is from a 1945 U.S. Food and Nutrition Board recommendation. I’ve decided to opt out of all tracking and to let my body discern real thirst, real hunger, real fullness at the end of a meal.
   

3. Layered Rugs. The idea that I buy a rug and then still have to buy a second rug, befuddles me. Next!
   

4. Disney World. Taking my kids to Disney World is presented as a right of passage as a parent. Yet, I have no plans on going. I’ve thought a lot about why we are skipping Disney as a family. To do Disney “right” you need to do enough research to “win” the trip (that doesn’t sound like a vacation). For the privileged, there are Disney travel agents. Yes, I understand modern life is about using money to skip lines or upgrade the experience, but something about having children watch other people’s children cut to the front of the line disturbs me.
   

5. The gym. The idea of driving from my house to another building just to sweat has never really made sense to me. I know plenty of people genuinely enjoy the energy of working out alongside others. I’m self-motivated (and an introvert), so I don’t get an extra boost from it. I spent my 20s trying to make the gym stick, and when I couldn’t I’d lose confidence in myself. Now, in my 40s, I get my cardio hauling things up and down our three-story house, and I’ve never felt stronger or more toned since I started playing tennis four or five times a week. Plot twist: you can absolutely get strong and fit without ever stepping foot in a gym.

   

6. Manicures. Paying $65+ to spend 1-2 hours trapped in a salon chair, while I’m breathing fumes…all so I can look “put together”? And if I get a chip on my nails then I’m “messy” and committed to coming back to get it “fixed”? Too much! I can handle a pedicure when I bundle it with an email session.
   

7. Baths. They are the gold standard for “me time”. But I can’t marinate in lukewarm water pretending to unwind. I guess the point is that you lie there and think? Or is it lie and watch TV? Lie and read a magazine? What is the point?? I almost always drive my car in silence, so I’m all set on the “thinking” sans water.
   

8. Hosting. Nothing, absolutely nothing, rattles me more than hosting. It’s not the state of my house; it’s always neat enough for a magazine shoot. The hang-up is that, as a host, I feel responsible for everyone’s happiness and that makes me too nervous to relax. It doesn’t matter how well I know the guests, either; even my own family makes me anxious. My least favorite stretch of the year is November to December, because I know I’ll be hosting 3-4 times.
   

9. Dry January. It connotes that I was out of balance in December and now I must pay a penance. I’d rather drink a moderate amount in December and continue to be moderate in January. I don’t like dealing in absolutes.
   

10. Spanx. I wore Spanx one time in my life. I was 31, going to a fancy wedding and I was told I’d love looking so smooth. I’ve never been so uncomfortable and it’s still my core memory from that gorgeous wedding.

There it is. Would you be friends with me, or am I a persnickety monster?

I put myself out there to remind us of the truth: most of our hours are spoken for. If you’re a working adult, you probably spend 8 hours working, 8 hours sleeping. If you’re a parent like me, a few more hours go towards caretaking. Then there’s the home, groceries, errands. What’s left is your discretionary time. Said another way, how you spend that time is at your discretion.

As you get invitations or see content nudging you towards what pop culture says you should love, pause and assess for yourself: Do I find joy in that?

You’re preferences are the only ones that matter.

P.S. You can do something to help me that will take you less than 1 second. Please give this post a ❤️ if you found it valuable. It really helps with discovery. 🙏

What I’m reading: Still deep into Snowball (the 800-page Warren Buffet biography) which was recommended by

Finance That Feels

. It’s not just the best crash course of 80 years of the American stock market it also illuminates an important lesson about hobbies. Buffet is a world-class bridge player. He says playing bridge is the only thing that has ever given him an outlet for managing the stress of managing billion-dollar deals. Most of us aren’t making deals but modern life is stressful and requires ways to release so this is an excellent reminder of the power of hobbies.

What I’m solving: I’m looking to buy a truly comfortable pair of sandals for summer (small challenge). I’m starting to think about the kid’s afterschool schedule when we go back to school August 4 (big challenge).

What I’m wearing: June marks the first month of working from home, which means dressing more casually. No belted dresses or blazers in sight. Instead:

1. Swim Team Mom: bucket hat, knitted cream top (HIGH here, LOW here) fun pants (HIGH here, LOW here)

2. Work From Home: I’ve owned body suits from Amazon and H&M but this seamless scoop neck bodysuit is 14X better. Nuuds gifted me the black but I’m purchasing coffee and oat with my own money. These will be workhorses for summer (the back scoop is GORGEOUS) and under blazers for work.

3. Tennis Gal: Absolutely the best buy I’ve ever had on Amazon. Third year of owning this dress, still feels brand new. The scallops. Runs true to size.

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