The Case for Traveling Alone

Written by an introverted-homebody-mom

Twenty-two years ago I accidently traveled alone. I was studying abroad in London (a colossal error in choosing an abroad location¹) and had mistakenly booked a trip to Barcelona on different dates than those of my roommates. Too embarrassed to tell my parents and forfeit the money spent, I headed solo to Spain. To my surprise, I loved it.

Those four days were my happiest memory from the entire study abroad experience.

In the two decades following this successful solo trip, I traveled alone zero times. I’ve gone to some very cool places for work— like Darjeeling, a mystical city in the eastern Himalayas—with colleagues, and I’ve gone to some very uninspiring places which I’ll be kind and leave unnamed—also with colleagues. I’ve traveled with my boyfriend-now-husband for 18 years and, of course, now that our kids are in the picture they’re along for the trips. I typically trail twelve steps behind my husband having lost some critical belonging along the way. One time, when we were going through airport security, I put my purse in the bin, sent it through the screening equipment, walked on through and left my purse behind².

Fast-forward to 2025, I was given the opportunity to take a trip to Denmark during Emory’s spring break.

Denmark - not just my happy place but the happiest country in the world

Which on the face of it sounded thrilling…a chance to go back to the happiest country in the world to conduct ethnography type research on the topic I find most interesting in the world? Yes, please. A layer deeper, I felt trepidation at the aloneness of it all. I’d be dealing with any airport conundrums, alone. Reading a map, alone. Eating, alone. Making every decision, alone.

In my thoughts, alone.

Like real thoughts not keep-the-trains-running thoughts. See—like you— I’m managing a household, children, paid work, thus it is never quiet in my head (but neither is it very deep). A 15 seconds snippet of what goes on in there:

the lunch box doesn’t have a slot for a water bottle - charged the wrong amount for the review - need to eat the canned tuna there was a tiktok about mashing it with avocado - forgot to add to calendar ice show - girl scouts invites - they already booked fall break should we - why did I say yes I would go - she looked at me funny when I said that

I said yes to Denmark because I’m obsessed with the topic of work/life balance, but also because I wanted to exit the daily deluge of noise and open the door for bigger ideas: namely, what do I want out of life in the next decade of my life? I bet we agree: this is not a thought that belongs next to did I order lunchboxes without slots for a water bottle.

To make the Denmark trip a professional success, I needed to conduct about 6 hours of interviews each day. Setting these up was a herculean effort but after a few failed attempts I identified a compelling enough pitch to convince a number of Danes to agree to spend time with me.

To make it a personal success (which I defined as getting clear on my life goals) I was intentional in giving myself space to think.

Here’s what helped logistics wise:

• Scheduled and paid for three solo cultural experiences that would put me in new (and uncomfortable) situations. No discomfort, no growth. If I didn’t prepay for these I know with certainty that my homebody and introvert nature would kick-in and I’d talk myself out of going.

  

  Cold plunge at 40 degrees followed by sauna and hot tub

• Made zero social dinner plans. Chatting with someone at dinner is fun but with all the chatting I’d do during the day, I needed the time after work to think.

• Created a google map with dozens of options with cafes, restaurants, shops that I had pre-vetted so that no matter what part of the city I was in I had options. I wish I wasn’t like this, but if I’m hungry and don’t know where my next meal is coming from, I get anxious and get deeper into decision paralysis.

Here’s what helped ground my thinking time:

Telling yourself that you will spend time thinking about Life Goals is nebulous and hard! Humans do not like nebulous and hard things. To make it possible to force myself:

• Gave myself at least 3 hours of writing / noodling time everyday. I started with where I am, where I want to be and drew up potential paths to get there. It doesn’t mean they will all happen, but it forces you to identify action.

  

  lots of writing time at my hotel desk. I don’t mean responding to emails.

• Wrote a Business Plan for myself just like I would for a product launch at Coca-Cola, except I’m the product :)

• Went through my index card system which is about identifying what I want out of Relationships, Career, Leisure and Home and then mapping out which goals I can pursue in the next quarter and which cards I will lay to the side.

My overall advice for traveling solo is to use this rare opportunity to learn more about yourself. If you spend all your time with inputs (chatting/scrolling/podcasts), you’ll miss connecting with yourself. I learned a ton!

5 Things I Learned About Myself

1. My flight was ATL to AMS (Schiphol) to Copenhagen. The layover was an ideal 90 minutes—just enough time for coffee and croissant. My flight to Schiphol landed, I plopped down at a cute café, took one bite of my croissant and got a text alert that my flight to Copenhagen was cancelled. I found a counter, was re-issued a new flight for five hours later. I cannot stress how completely and utterly unfazed I was. My learning here is that having kids is the absolute most impactful thing that has happened to chill me out. Ten years ago a situation that I couldn’t “control” would send me spiraling. Thank you to my kids for teaching me control is an illusion.

2. I scheduled a tasting menu dinner as my first Danish cultural experiences. I’d seen other women post about their love for solo dinner + wine + book. Sounds romantic! Having a long, solo dinner turned out to not be romantic for me. I file a long dinner under “passive leisure”. Akin to sitting to watch tv or sitting for a manicure or sitting on the beach—they are activities enjoyed by many, but not by me. I like active leisure. I had dinner solo 5 more nights after this and 30-45 minutes was my sweet spot because that’s how long I can passively sit without pulling out my phone.

3. Danes consider being five minutes early as equivalent to being on time. Let me say this again, if your meeting is at 10:00 and you arrive at 10:02, you are late. They do this because to be late means you consider your time to be more important than the other person’s time. I aligned with this value on such a deep level and am making a new commitment to stop acting American and equating 5 minutes late to being on time. One immediate action I’m taking is starting class at 8:30am. Not 8:35am. By showing my students that being 5 minutes late is OK, I am setting them up for a lifetime of accepting that meetings start late. When meetings start late, they end late. Daycare and school pick-ups wait for no-one and I don’t want to contribute to the harriedness that parents face because meetings don’t end on time. Gauntlet thrown.

4. I showed up in a dozen different locations, always 5 minutes early. Everyone I interviewed said they were surprised by how much they enjoyed reflecting on the topic of work/life balance. The competency that I saw myself exhibit on this trip left me feeling confident in myself as a professional. When you are forced to travel alone, there is no one to hide behind, and you see yourself clearly. I like what I see (this is not a common feeling for me).

5. My husband and kids missed me, because they love me, but in no way were they in survival mode. Leaving for seven days is an excellent test of the equity of home labor and the systems you have in place. My husband is such a 50/50 partner that not a single question came up related to kids logistics. The only skillset I have, that my husband doesn’t, is giving my daughter a neat, high pony³. My husband solved this problem by asking a few moms to assist in the morning. I felt zero guilt about going on a meaningful research trip and I am modeling for my children that one can love their work and their family, at the same time.

A guilt-free mom who has her own adventures

To put a bow on it: if you find yourself with the privilege of traveling for work, see how you can tack on a day for yourself. If you aren’t traveling for work, even a one night trip a town away can give you a break from the noise of real life so that you can hear yourself a little more clearly.

Happy travels everyone!

1. My undergrad was in NYC so studying abroad did nothing to expand my world view. I wish I’d been braver and gone to Rome or Singapore or really anywhere non-English speaking.

2. When I needed to check something on my phone I realized that not only did I not have my phone, but I’d never picked up my purse. It was fine, I went back and retrieved it.

3. She does not like having her hair down. At all. Also, lice are running rampant at the school.

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