Real answers to your most asked questions
Mom guilt, building a personal brand, attention span and making $
You asked, I answered! This week’s post is an AMA and covers topics from mom guilt to workhorses to personal branding. Some answers are quick hits, others turned into small essays (as they do). Paid subscribers will find two extra behind-the-scenes questions at the end.
How do you manage mom guilt? (too much screen time/few play dates/distraction)?
What I love about this question is it’s not about the guilt from working—because that’s never where it hits me. I’m writing this from a hotel room in Denmark; I haven’t seen my kids in four days and won’t for another few. No guilt. Why? Because I’m doing work I love, and what they see is a mother who chases adventures and is energized by her job.
I also don’t sweat answering an email while I’m with them. If I’m at the pool on a Tuesday afternoon (thanks to a flexible summer schedule as a professor), the price I pay is occasionally replying from my phone. I do try to tuck away my phone from 5-7pm every day. Also, I feel no guilt doing hobbies or taking trips with my husband.
Where I do feel guilt: the things I don’t get to do because I work outside the home. I rarely host playdates, I don’t think they eat enough vegetables, and I miss follow ups on school emails. As my kids have grown, I’ve accepted that I love them fiercely, I live by my values, and that has to be enough.
Regarding screens, we’ve worked hard on building their attention span at home, so I know my kids are curious about the world and don’t worship devices. In this post, I shared the 8 things we’ve done since they were toddlers to develop their attention in a playful way.
We try not to elevate iPads to be a "prize". The positioning is phones and iPads are for when there is absolutely nothing else to do and that almost anything (puzzle, outside, Lego, etc) is better. Not ‘better for you’, but better fun!
How old are your kids?
8 and 7. They are 18 months apart. I love their ages and I love their age gap.
Any parenting book recommendations?
I lean towards intuition over instruction so I haven’t read a ton in this category but two stand-outs I’ll mention.
When my kids were tiny, Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff gave me huge peace of mind that all these parenting “rules” are just one way to do things. If I had tiny kids, I would find comfort in reading
Substack who also does a terrific job reminding us that we’re making a lot of parenting stuff up.Jennifer Senior’s All Joy and No Fun should be required reading—it explains why modern parenting feels the way it does in a fresh manner and is beautifully written.
How to navigate tech with little kids when it’s used in school?
The amount of iPad time in public schools drives me bananas. A Waldorf school (play-based, tech-free) sounds idyllic. It would cost us about $60K a year for two kids and that would mean I would work more hours, feel more income pressure, and have less time at home.
So I choose less work/income over a tech-free private school fantasy (for now?). My strategy is to build attention span and critical thinking at home to keep us balanced.
How to work on rebuilding my attention span? Two kids and intense job got me crazy.
Hobbies. Truly. They’re the antidote to the dopamine drip of screens. I don’t just mean social media—I mean all the other things on our screens, too. All the things where we pull a lever and get a result (email, news, weather). Twitch, twitch, twitch. Dopamine hit after dopamine hit.
My rule: once I start a hobby, my phone is off-limits until I stop. Even 90 minutes of single-focus activity rewires your brain for patience and depth. And when you’re hobbying, it’s impossible to multitask, which is exactly the point.
Now, I know that finding time for a hobby when you have small kids feels like the most annoying advice. You are already so busy… how can I recommend adding one more thing?! Two nudges:
Stop being a martyr: If you have a partner you are raising kids with, I promise you, that partner wants you to be happy and would love to give you a few hours each week to pursue your hobby. They want the same thing too! Release each other from guilt.
Get creative on what you call a hobby: Let’s assume you successfully go hobby outside the home once a week. You need a non-screen way for your brain to go “off duty” more often. When my kids were tiny, I’d do DIY projects about 20-30 minutes a day. I’d paint, hang wallpaper, and refinish furniture. I’d do this slowly and with no pressure to finish because it was a hobby not a task. I could enjoy working with my hands after they went to bed instead of scrolling my phone. For you this could be crocheting, painting, puzzling, etc. I have a demanding schedule during the semester and I discussed my approach to scheduling hobbies at the end of this post.
How did you transition from marketing to professor?
It was a journey! I wrote about my path and also gave advice on how to make this transition. One caveat, my expertise is limited to going from a business profession to teaching at a business school.
How to balance all academic things. Asking as a professor and mom.
First, I calendar the immovable big rocks: classes, office hours, family commitments, hobbies. Then I add at least three deep-work sessions a week, two hours each. The scraps of time in between are for grading, emails, and admin.
I track everything in a color-coded spreadsheet, rating each class by prep difficulty/energy drain, and avoid stacking two “high-drain” classes on the same day.
Most importantly, I’ve learned to expect that 50% of my plans will get derailed by kids’ illnesses or life’s surprises. My goals take longer than someone without kids—that’s just reality. But also who really cares about the end point? It’s the journey that matters so love the one you’re on.
Any advice on building a personal brand, especially for changing fields.
Your personal brand is the sum of your Google results, LinkedIn profile, and the in-person reputation you leave behind. Pick one or two themes you want to be known for, and reinforce them by putting yourself out there: posting on LinkedIn, attending events and clearly communicating with your network. You will have to put yourself out there and get over your cringe.
We are in an era of not only being responsible for good work but for making sure your key stakeholders know you are doing good work. My friend
calls this “internal PR” and that’s exactly what it is so don’t forget to do it!I am a marketing professor, but I wanted to be part of rethinking work/life balance in America. I didn’t quit marketing (that’s still what I teach) but I did start to layer in content about balance and hobbies. Over three and a half years later, the scales have tipped. Now, if I get a media or speaking inquiry it is very likely about work/life balance—not marketing. This makes me confident you can build a personal brand outside of your current field, but nothing happens overnight.
Personal brand is a big topic and it’s too serious for the summer. Come fall, I’ll be doing a 3 part series on personal brand. We’ll get into:
How to start (determining what you stand for) and creating a cadence (for corporate employees, I find even 1-2 actions quarterly is enough to make a massive difference).
Mapping out the network that will help you. We will talk about who can help and why they would. How you reach out matters. Please never ever ask someone busy “if you can pick their brain”.
Effective post templates that will ease your cringe
This will be a series for Paid Subscribers as it’s my IP.
I want to streamline everything and purge my closet for workhorses. Where to start?
Workhorses aren’t the same as a capsule wardrobe. A capsule is about minimalism; workhorses are about utility. I have a few blazers and dresses I wear only occasionally—but when I need them, I don’t have to shop or stress. They’ve earned their place. When I’m letting something new into my closet, I go through my Workhorses Only rules:
Will it serve me for multiple occasions?
Will it make getting ready more efficient?
Will it make me feel confident?
For example, I have green embroidered pants which no one would ever call a capsule item. But, I’ve worn them with a white button-down for work, with a crop top for a swim meet, with a sweater for a holiday party. They are constantly pulling through for me and helping me get ready quicker. These green pants are a workhorse!
Imagine having a closet full of things like this.
How do you get here? If you can ruthlessly purge in one go, do it. The slower way is to keep a basket in your closet—if you wear anything that feels itchy, awkward, or unflattering, it goes in. At the end of each season, go through everything still hanging and confirm it was worn. Over time, you’ll be left with only “workhorses”: pieces that solve a problem, earn their keep and most importantly, make you feel confident! I shared our community's top 20 workhorses, so it’s a great place to start.
I am also officially committing to doing a full post on “how to build a Workhorses Only closet”.
P.S. Biossance—my #1 skincare brand for the past four years—is having their first sale since April. Finally. I described my 5 core products here. For reference, my skincare goal is
Biggest tip for a recent grad entering the corporate world?
Follow through. In a workplace full of distracted people chasing the next thing, being the person who actually finishes the current thing will make you indispensable. On my last lecture of class, I open up my heart and share seven pieces of life wisdom. Take a read!
Also, start with the assumption your boss doesn’t care about your career. A great boss will, of course, help you along through the journey, but it is up to you to own your career, understand where you want to go, and find the right opportunities to help you get there. You must determine what you want and communicate it clearly or people cannot help you.
Two bonus questions for my Paid Subscribers:
How are you navigating sharing your personal life in public (pros/cons)?
How does Emory feel about you making money from your IG account?