How to Ruin a Hobby in 10 Simple Ways
A masterclass in overthinking, optimizing, and accidentally destroying the things you love
In 2024, I ran an experiment. I decided to stop asking people what they did for work and start asking them what they did for a hobby. Then, no matter what they answered, or how ridiculous I thought the hobby was, I’d join them for a session or two.
17 hobbies later—I tried baking, cold plunge, collage-making, embroidery, golf, home DIY, horseback riding, jewelry making, mahjong, ornament making, painting, pickleball, pottery, rock climbing, sewing, tennis, and woodworking—I am fundamentally changed.
And I have become a hobby evangelist.
I’ve even changed my area of study. I still teach the science of sticky ideas, but I dedicate most of my research to studying the impact hobbies can have on our modern lives. I run a hobby community on Instagram of about 70K where I’ve collected thousands of testimonials from real humans living real lives. Here’s what I know: Hobbies are not frivolous, they are foundational. They reduce the scroll, replace loneliness with community, rebuild our attention spans, and, most importantly, help us rediscover joy. They return us to our humanity.
I also know it’s completely possible to ruin your hobby.
Alas, I’ve seen too many people take all the benefits offered by a hobby and render them moot.
How to Ruin a Hobby
Trying to make money from your hobby. A hobby, by definition, is something done for enjoyment, relaxation, or personal interest rather than for financial or professional gain. Your business is not a hobby, and your hobby is not a side hustle. The moment money enters the picture, you go from being a creator to being a producer. That’s work! Then, one missed session means you’re “falling behind.” Boo! Worst of all, you lose the one place in your life where you were allowed to be inefficient. Not being productive is the whole point.
You call a passive activity a hobby. For something to be a hobby, there must be “doing” because doing leads to some version of growth. Your brain, hands, or body–one of them has to be in motion. Scrolling is not a hobby. Watching TV is not a hobby. Shopping is not a hobby (ok, maybe antiquing). Reading, even though passive, has a progression to it. You will grow as a reader. You will never be better at scrolling.
Picking a hobby that mirrors your work. If your job is cognitive, your hobby shouldn’t be. I learned this lesson the hard way with mahjong when I started to dread—and then avoid—invitations to play. I think most of the day, therefore my hobby cannot involve thinking. That’s why tennis is perfect for me. When I’m chasing a ball, my brain finally goes quiet. Winston Churchill was right: to restore yourself, you need to use parts of your mind that have nothing to do with your work. During the summer when I’m off school and spend more time with my kids, mahjong feels amazing. A hobby needs to provide a counterbalance to everything else you do to be truly restorative.
I love mahjong on vacation. My brain likes locking in and focusing as a contrast to the hard work of eating and laying on the beach. Dabbling in too many hobbies without ever commiting. It’s totally normal to experience false starts on your way to finding a hobby. But if you want the life-changing magic of a hobby–the flow, the community, the third identity–then you have to stick around. Your brain has to have time to learn that this is where we go to recover. Dabble to discover, then dive in.
Letting a hobby become a duty. If missing a day/week of doing your hobby makes you guilty, not sad, it’s a good indication you’re using your hobby for productive gain. Calling the gym a hobby, when it’s really about staying in shape, is a common misstep. Your hobby is not a check-list item.
Comparing yourself to more experienced hobbyists. We all know that “comparison is the thief of joy,” but we do it to ourselves anyway. Yes, for sure, someone started this hobby before you and is further “ahead.” And, for sure, someone is better at watercolor than you. That’s life. Do not kill your joy and destroy your love for watercolor or tennis or whatever your hobby is, by comparing your ability to someone else’s. The minute you start the comparison game your hobby becomes about being good, and you’re recreating the same pressure it was meant to relieve.
Not being all in. Hobbies are not a distant relative you visit bi-annually. Entering flow state, finding confidence in a third identity outside of your work or parenting, reducing anxiety, sleeping better—none of those things will be available to you if the hobby isn’t a consistent part of your life. Perfect conditions may never arrive, so just do the hobby anyway. It need not be a 4-hour round of golf. Just 15 minutes of puzzling at the end of the day can bring on a flow state.
Optimizing your hobby. You’re creating spreadsheets, researching the “best” equipment, or tracking progress towards a quarterly goal. Congratulations! You’ve officially turned your hobby into a project. There is growth in pursuit–whether that’s making it to playoffs for an adult tennis league, shaving a shot of your handicap, or hitting a personal best–but I’ll warn you…it’s a slippery slope.
Performing your hobby. This is a tricky one for me. I run a hobby IG account, but I work hard to separate the hobby research from the doing of the hobby itself. I’ve actually never filmed myself playing tennis for that reason. Generally, the moment you start documenting your hobby, you have begun the performance. The internal monologue isn’t “did I enjoy that?” it’s “how did I look doing that?” That’s a real buzzkill. The best way to protect a hobby mindset is to keep the hobby just for you.
I don’t have too many photos from the court and I’ve actually never filmed myself playing. Playing tennis is the purest thing I do and I want to keep it for myself. Being available during your hobby. The whole point of a hobby is to go off duty, so Do Not Disturb is your best friend during your hobby time! Nothing drives me nuts more than to see a tennis player with an Apple watch responding to texts while playing. Put down the phone! I understand it’s not always possible if you’re a parent (or actually a doctor on call) but to the extent possible Put. Down. Your. Phone.
Your Turn: What did I miss? This research is ongoing so if there’s something else you’ve seen destroy your love for a hobby, I’d love to know about it.
Your friend,
P.S. This writing matters if we want hobbies to stay joyful—not commodified. Not commercialized. I’d appreciate your ❤️ to help others discover this message and I don’t ask for this a lot but please share with a friend who might appreciate this message.
There are a million and one headlines you can read to get depressed. Here’s a few that signal culture is changing:
We have economic data! The power of the hobby began to show up on foot traffic in 2025. Michaels, Paper Source and Barnes & Nobles have all grown traffic through tangible products, author signings and classes!
78 People Who Took a Hobby to Another Level: Not everyone is sitting around watching TV.
A new Penny Linn store is now open in NYC and thousands of people came to the grand opening.
I’d like to pose an alternate theory to the fact that consumers are going to the nail salon less. Perhaps, we’ve just found hobbies.
Denmark coming in ahead of the US for productivity despite working significantly less hours. A good reminder: it’s not the number of hours that matters.
These diamond huggies I wear everyday are 20% off. Natural diamond and 14K gold. A very special Mother’s Day or Grad Gift.
We got a code from Melissa Wood Health. Use MARINA for $15 off the 1-year subscription. There are so many effective, targeted workouts that you can do in under 20 minutes. I’ve been doing these since 2020!
SUN20 gets you 20% off at Supergoop. This sale is not listed but the code works. I use glowscreen and play everyday daily.
Speaking of codes that aren’t listed YOUROCK almost always works at Tuckernuck for 20% off. Things I own or am eyeing: green dress, shirt dress, gingham tennis skirt.
COOLEY20 will get you 20% off my favorite dress. There’s no occasion this doesn’t work for. A true workhorse.
M. Gemi gave us a code (COOLEY15). I love the Una flat and this small tote.
Get ready for summer travel with these re-usable toiletry containers (25% off).
You can get 15% off at Ruggable with COOLEY15. We’ve had this washable runner longer than we’ve had kids. Last month, I ordered this for our primary bedroom.
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11. Cost. Some hobbies are just too expensive relative to one's economic standing. I used to ski. Just once a year to get the itch out of my system. But it sure gave me a run for my money. Thankfully, my bad back stopped me from skiing. Hobbies like woodworking are expensive in terms of the equipment and what directions you want to go. I mostly figure alternative ways to make stuff instead of buying another tool.
12. Choosing the wrong hobby to fit in. Just because everyone else you know does it doesn't mean you should. Most times, hobbies are individual pursuits. Getting to your flow state with a group requires syncing in with everyone else. Given different personalities and skill levels, that may not be a good thing. Consider your physical and psychological limits. I gave up rollerblading because I couldn't overcome my fear of falling.
13. Continuing your hobby when the passion has gone. I used to love riding my bicycle. From a young kid, through college, touring and group city rides. Then, 3 years ago, my bike collected dust for 3 years. It took that amount of time to accept that I no longer enjoyed it but I held on because of the financial investment I had.
14. Thinking that your hobby needs to be unembarrassing if someone found out. My parents owned a small café in England and I grew up in the kitchen. I started collecting coke bottle tops. I ended up with a huge plastic bag of tops in my bedroom. I still remember the joy I derived, knowing that no one else had that many tops. Maybe they had more. But these were mine. Your hobby should say "This is mine. My hobby understands me and I understand it." Why deny yourself your true hobby?
15. Being told that passive activities aren't hobbies (will I get in trouble for this one?). Maybe not the literal activity of watching TV but the content of what you watch is a hobby. Curiosity plays a large part in the pursuit of hobbies. It keeps it interesting. When you lose the curiosity, the hobby becomes boring and pointless. Watching what you're passionate about can achieve that flow state without any physical movement, like meditation.
Love this! You absolutely changed my perspective when I “found” you from your article on CNBC a while back. This is a great list that makes me think. Am I violating the mistake of “performing your hobby” by posting on the IG channel I created @hobbiesafter50? I am being careful trying not to get obsessed over it as I created it to perhaps talk hobbies and encourage others. That being said, I’ve taken photos and videos while hobbying to share on there so have I crossed that line?